


Regrets

by Trixie_Baggins



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 07:03:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6894808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trixie_Baggins/pseuds/Trixie_Baggins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes has a lot of regrets.</p><p>Steve Rogers has a lot of regrets.</p><p>Natasha Romanov has a lot of regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets

_Bucky  Barnes has a lot of regrets._

 

 

 

Going into the Army.

 

Leaving “Little Stevie” alone in Brooklyn.

 

The things he did as Winter Soldier,

 

The things he did when he worked at Hydra,

 

The things that he can remember as vividly as the day they happened,

 

Those change a man.  

 

He killed for no other reason than that someone told him to.

 

He went deaf to the cries of the innocent, begging for their life.

 

He went blind to children, orphaned, standing next to their burning home.

 

He didn’t say a word when Hydra tortured American citizens.

 

He didn’t stop when he attacked his country.

 

His people.

  


 

He’s learning how to live with it.

 

He’s starting to deal with the guilt.

 

He’s learning about forgiveness.

 

 

But the thing that he regrets the most

 

The thing that is going to break him

 

Is that Steve learned Russian.

 

 

Because now Steve knows what he says.

 

And in the middle of the night,

 

When the nightmares hit,

 

And all he can say is Russian,

 

Steve knows that he’s begging them to stop.

 

Steve knows that he’s ignoring them when they begged him to stop.

 

Steve knows that the monsters aren’t the things that ruined Bucky.

 

The monster is Bucky.

 

 

* * *

  
  


 

 

_Natasha Romanov has a lot of regrets._

 

 

There were people she killed who were innocent.

 

There were a lot of families she tore apart.

 

There were a lot of wars she stood on the wrong side of.

 

 

She’s learned how to deal with the guilt.

 

She’s learned how to block out the memories.

 

She’s learned how to put it all behind her.

 

 

But the thing she regrets most of all

 

The thing that kills her the most

 

The thing that breaks her heart every day

 

The thing that the guilt just might win

 

 

Is teaching Steve Rogers Russian.

 

 

Because, in the middle of the night, only she could understand what Bucky screamed.

 

Because now, Steve does.

 

Because now, she can see it, eating away at him.

 

Because now, Captain America, the golden boy didn’t shine as bright.

 

Because now, grey clouds hid the sky blue eyes.

 

Because now, Steve Rogers knows just how broken Bucky Barnes really is.

 

Because now, it’s breaking Steve Rogers.

  


* * *

  
  


_Steve Rogers has a lot of regrets._

 

 

 

The consequences his actions caused.

 

The casualties that seem to follow in his wake.

 

That sometimes the bad guys win.

 

The fact he hid the truth from Tony.

 

That he couldn’t enlist, no matter what he tried.

 

That he didn’t find Bucky first.

 

That he gave up hope that Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was alive.

 

That he stopped looking for Bucky.

  


 

He’s been living with it for a while now.

 

He surrounded himself with good people.

 

He’s learning that everything isn’t his fault.

  
  


 

But the thing that he regrets most of all

 

The thing that burns him from the inside every day.

 

The thing that keeps him up at night

 

Is that after he learned Russian

 

 

He knows.

 

He knows what Bucky went through.

 

He knows what Bucky’s still going through.

 

He knows more of what happened in that Hydra lab.

 

He knows how much of Bucky they broke.

 

He knows how far Bucky’s gone to hide it.

 

To be strong, just like he was back in Brooklyn.

 

And he regrets that he can’t do more.

 

That he can’t make it better.

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
